Divorce can be a very drawn-out and stressful ordeal, but when you're pregnant, it's even harder to traverse the emotional roller coaster of separation. Anxiety, apprehension and even fear flood your being, because you have so much at stake, all while feeling precarious about your life, home, and what the future holds.
1. Make Sure Your Feelings Aren't Due To The Pregnancy
While you've probably thought the idea of divorce over carefully, it may be worth examining a second or even third time to make sure your emotions aren't being overrun by pregnancy hormones. Especially if this is your first child, you may not be familiar with the sometimes profound effect estrogen and progesterone have on your emotions. It's important to know, too, for your own peace of mind, that you're sure the marriage isn't what you want or won't otherwise work.
2. Have A Plan For Living In Place
At no time should you feel trapped in one place or unwanted in another; however, because you're expecting, you should be somewhere you feel totally safe and comfortable. Whether you plan on staying in your current home or not, have a good idea where you're going to spend the next few months and beyond.
You'll need access to health care, no matter where you go, and most OB/GYN offices can guide you in terms of making tough decisions on living arrangements, especially if you don't feel safe around your spouse or for any other reason want that extra push of independence. Confide in your doctor about the divorce and don't be afraid to mention if things get too chaotic or stressful at home as you go through the divorce.
3. Talk Things Over With A Confidant
A close friend or relative should be sought, as you don't want to feel alone, right now especially. Talk your feelings over, sorting through them as you go or just blurting out whatever comes to mind. Divorce is not a light and easy matter, nor is bringing a child into the world as a single mother. Rely on a trusted person you know will have your back, no matter what.
4. Find A Divorce Attorney
After the certainty of your decision has set in, you need to talk to a divorce attorney. If someone you know can recommend one, that's a great place to start, but if you're beginning your search from scratch, have a set criteria for what you want, including the location(s) of their office(s), hours available and financial arrangements. You want an experienced lawyer who can get you through the process as easily as possible for you, no matter how amicable the divorce is or isn't.
Your ideal match might be a female who has had a few children herself, or it could be an up-and-coming go-getter, just starting out. Keep an open mind and choose based not just on your initial impression of the person, but on their ability to get things done for you.
5. Establish A Plan With Your Spouse For Co-Parenting
Unless you're forced to avoid contact with your spouse, such as in the case of domestic violence, the two of you must sit down and discuss the role that each of you will play in the baby's life. Hopefully, custody and care can be agreed upon, but if not, you can simply contact your divorce lawyer or conduct these sessions with your spouse in the presence of counsel.
Because you are pregnant, working out the legal aspects of your divorce, including custody and child support, may be complicated. Your lawyer will explain the options available to you and your spouse, according to the State laws that govern your area.
6. Keep Your Support Network Strong
Starting with your divorce lawyer, you need to be surrounded by people you know you can count on. Look up divorce support online for groups you might anonymously chat with or if you're so inclined, search for in-person gatherings. At the very least, have a close circle of friends and/or family who will stand by you through both the pregnancy and the divorce. While you may want to be strong and independent, some form of support is essential for your well being and the baby's, especially considering what you're going through.
Gather the strength and courage you need to move forward and onto the next chapter in your life. With the help of a good divorce lawyer and the comfort of family and friends, you and your baby will be just fine.
Share23 July 2018
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